May 13, 2016

Jacob,

I find myself sometimes thinking of you and wondering if I will ever get a call, email, letter saying that you'd like to ask for my forgiveness. I know almost nothing about NA but I thought one of the steps was to ask for forgiveness to the people you hurt while you were an addict. Have you gotten to that step? Do you consider me someone you should ask for this?

Until today I was almost sure that if you asked I would say no. I won't forgive you. You were too awful and did too many bad things. Today, and perhaps only for a brief moment, I feel otherwise. Or at least willing to consider it.

I am 3 weeks post op from my second surgery for stage 2 breast cancer. I have one more surgery coming in the next couple of months. This is the second time I have had cancer in the last 4 years. I'm not sure why this is happening. I feel confident it won't kill me this time around, but also confident that it will kill me eventually.

I am suffering in ways I didn't predict. And I spend a lot of time trying to make sense of how I got here. You are some of that story.

I have a puppy. She looks a lot like Tuesday but is a completely different dog. She likes people and dogs and partying. She is a frat guy.