November 20, 2016
A year ago today I was diagnosed with Stage 2 B breast cancer. Since Iam a big fan of lists, below is a list of things that have happenedsince then. I struggled with the decision to make all of this public,but in the end, decided this was yet another way to purge and move on.
-The people I love went above and beyond. I want to mention each kindact individually but instead of that I will say THANK YOU. Thank you,thank you, thank you. I appreciate each and every act of sweetness andgenerosity bestowed upon me.
-Christopher put his life aside to feed me, bathe me, drain andmeasure my drains daily, sleep on the floor next to my hospital bed,and much, much more.
-I met with 3-4 of each type of doctor I would need: medicaloncologists, surgical oncologists, radiation oncologists, naturopaths,acupuncturists, plastic surgeons, physical therapists, and just plaintherapists. My sister Stacey and friends saw to it that I never wentto an appointment alone.
-I had 3 surgeries. The first back in January was a left breastmastectomy, lymph node removal and expander placed. That surgery wasmeant to be the only surgery but when cancer was found in my lymphnodes, a different decision was made while I was under. Waking up tothat news really sucked. The second surgery was in April, A DIEP FLAP.The surgeon took fat and muscle from my stomach and built me boob.They also made me a new belly button since mine is in the dumpster.The third, in June, was to balance and repair things from the firsttwo. All traumatic in their own way.
-I declined radiation and chemotherapy. This was a controversial andvery difficult decision that I did not enter into lightly. Julie andmy dad were never far from my thoughts as I made these decisions.
-I started ovarian suppression. This entails a very painful pelletshot in my butt every 3 months for 5 years and a pill every day for5-10 years. Another bonus: hot flashes, mood swings and other thingsthat come from instant (and any) menopause.
-Jamin came to see me at the hospital after my first surgery eventhough she wasn’t supposed to. I was so glad to see her.
-Kate was my first visitor, outside of Christopher and family, in theICU after my second surgery. I was so high on morphine and we had thebest conversation.
-Sam and Sandy got dressed in ties to come pick me up from my secondsurgery and escort me home.
-NAOMI!!
-Luka and Scott brought me a lot of pudding.
-Penny was walked by many people. Many times.
-The group Thursday night dinner I started with Julie about 12 yearsago continued, with my besties heading to the pizza shop down thestreet when I was too sick or in the hospital. Often with visitsbefore or after.
-I went to Italy. It was amazing.
-Thanks to Melisa and Marc I met Bruce Springsteen. It was weird and awesome.
-I got lymphedema and wear a ninja sleeve. My hand swells up atseemingly random times. I learned I should never go in a sauna or hottub again since heat exacerbates the symptoms.
-Stacey had an amazing baby girl named Fable. I made her promise thatthere would be a baby at the end of all of this and there is.
-My nephew moved from NY to Oregon to start college. My whole familyattended a frat party.
-I turned 45 and had a wonderful celebration.
-Penny started sleeping in and dropping the ball.
-My friend of 45 years flew out to Portland to take care of me.
-My uncle that hasn’t flown on a plane in 30 years came from NJ totake care of me. My sister Melisa escorted and assisted him in thistask.
-My mom made sure that I would have absolutely anything I needed.
-I missed almost of year of work. Sam and Puddletown rallied.
-Two of my employees got a tattoo in honor of me.
-I fought with my insurance company a lot. And held them accountablefor all their mistakes. Which there were many.
-My long time acupuncturist came to my house and gave me treatments.
-My long time massage therapist gave me a steep discount so that Icould get much needed massages.
-My long time yoga teacher came to my house several times to give mesimple and extremely helpful stretching to do.
-So MUCH soup made by my beautiful friends and the families at Puddletown.
-So many care packages!
-Lael came over nearly every morning and took Penny for a run.
-I slept in a hospital bed in my bedroom for 5 weeks.
-I started taking a low level anti depressant to help with the hotflashes. The first low dose made me feel like I was in a zombie horrormovie so it got lowered even further.
-I started taking turmeric, turkey tail mushroom, vitamin B, a higherdose of vitamin D, fish oil, horse chestnut, and calcium.
-Donald Trump got elected president. Still processing how that happened.
-I tried to cut down on my sugar intake. That has been an utter failure.
-My body starting aching like an old person. It is hard to stand up,bend down, reach for things and move quickly. I hope to change thissoon with more yoga and stretching.
-The (hopefully) last step is coming soon. I will be getting a tattooof a dogwood branch over my scars. I have a dogwood tree in my yardthat has always been a symbol of fragile beauty, flexibility andpatience to me. Also someone very important to me once told me that Ireminded her of a dogwood tree.
Today I burned about 500 pieces of paper. Post-visit summaries,doctor's instructions, lab results, lists of medications, and lettersfrom insurance companies.
I know I left so many individual acts of kindness out. Please know how much I appreciate everything. I have always believed in love. I will continue to do so as I (and we) face whatever comes next.
